Jesse did not get to cut his cord or carry him from the warmer back to his mommy. It was really hard to swallow. I laid there for what seemed like hours before they even told me what he weighed or how long he was. Before they even told me he was okay! He was intubated within an hour of his birth and I didn't even get to hear his sweet cry for a few days.
After he was born and I went to recovery, my husband was not aloud to stay with me. I had a "roommate" so they kicked him out. I spent that night alone and crying most of the night. It was miserable. I have never been so scared and upset in my life! I could not believe they MADE me spend that night alone!
I also feel like I got cheated out of a "normal" NICU experience. The time that we got to held him was limited. Very limited. We never got to do skin to skin holding (Kangaroo Kare) even though we asked, and we weren't aloud to be at some of his cares because it was during shift change (7pm and 7am) I have talked to a few people since he was born that either had children in the NICU or worked in a NICU and were shocked at the aforementioned things. Now I'm not saying that I didn't LOVE his nurses or think they did not do a good job taking care of him when I couldn't, but I still feel cheated, just the same.
After we talked about all that, I told him how incredibly blessed I feel too. We only spent 10 days in the NICU with our son. We did get to hold him the day after he was born. Bottom line, he did come home. He came home alive. He came home healthy. He is a normal little boy now. Because of that, I feel so so blessed.
3 comments:
I'm sorry that your "birth experience" happened the way that it did. It had to have been pretty terrifying on top of everything else!
But you're right that the blessing is that you got a healthy baby out of the deal...still, it's hard. I know that I can't ever really understand just HOW hard it was, but I sympathize just the same.
Kait,
I read this and felt like I wrote parts of it myself.
Although, we didn't have the NICU experience.
I wanted a v birth and after several months of being sick that was all I looked forward to. As odd as that sounds I looked forward to the pushing, the doctor telling me it was a boy, Mike cutting the cord and getting to hold him on my chest.
Because of the emergency c-section I was unable to have any of that but still had to do the work of full labor and 4 hours of pushing. I felt like the good moments...the happy moments were kind of taken away from us. Mike didn't get to cut the cord, I did not see Cason for hours and then I was so drugged that I really don't remember it.
Then...I always thank God that he is happy and healthy. I might not have had a good pregnancy or birth but I do have a handsome baby boy.
You reminded me again to be thankful :-)
Jaxon is perfect and you are a terrific mom. I feel like I get to watch him grow throug your amazing photography :-)
That is such a bummer your experience you had to go through. My sister in law had a bad experience too. Her baby girl was stuck and was to far down for a c-section. The nurses were pretty much jumping on her belly to get her out. When she finally did come out they cut the cord and took her to a different room. It was hours before Lynn got to see her, touch her and when they brought her back into the room she was in a clear box connected to all sorts of tubes. All lynn got to do was touch her little hand didn't even get to hold her baby and the baby had to fly to a different hospital. It was horrible! I'm so glad I didn't have to experience what you had to go through. I'm so glad you get to enjoy your little man everyday. He is such a cutie!
LoveBritt
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